Arsenal 16 Portsmouth 4

Results

Date	Time	C	Opponent	F	A	R	S
22 Aug	3:00 PM	P	Portsmouth (H)	4	1	Win

So how am I supposed to predict these scores correctly if the Lord Wenger doesn't play fair? How was I supposed to know he was going to put the reserves out? How was I supposed to know that far from using my brilliant tactic of putting Wilshere on the bus at half price, Portsmouth didn't even bring the bus, and instead played football?

It all seems a bit unjust and a slap on the chin for an honest predictor – but I'll get over it. I said 6-0, we got 4-1.

We already knew that we had no Theo, no Rosicky, no Nasri, no Vela, no Djourou (ok those last two are reserves, but the other three aren't). But then along comes our Lord W and we find we have no Sagna, no Song, no Clichy, and no Fabr (or if you prefer no Egas – either way we only got a demi-Cesc what with him trotting off at half-time.)

I must say I was under the impression that we got into reserve games free and they were played at Barnet, so I felt very annoyed.

Although in reality of course I didn't. A daring tactic to give the rest of the team a go, it paid off brilliantly, and 'twas great fun all round. What is seriously odd however is that van Persie, Bendtner and Arshavin can't get a goal, while everyone else is scoring by the bucket load. Ah well, can't have it all.

To begin at the commencement, just for a change, I stuck a little note on here yesterday saying I had a spare ticket and within half an hour John had phoned to take it. Nice to meet up with you John, glad you enjoyed it too.

The Portsmouth Buyers Club (Peter Storrie and Sheik Yermoney) were both there looking thoughtful, counting the dosh and pretending to know all about the game, the Portsmouth manager said that Gallas should have been sent off and thus never have scored and thus Portsmouth would have equalised and thus it would have been a draw, or something like that, and Arsenal's administration totally screwed up on the issuing of new membership cards, leaving a long queue opposite turnstyle S even at 1pm.

Actually the admin is a dreadful muddle – it is not just that they screwed up the issue of membership cards this year, it is just about everything they touch is a total cock-up (a phrase which, according to Stephen Fry is a nautical expression). They don't return email enquiries, my two grandsons are still waiting for their Junior Gunners memberships which I paid for back in June, and if you do phone the club you have to listen to Elvis sing "The Wonder of You" 26 times before getting a different story about why it has all gone wrong, from the story you heard last time.

Thankfully Arsenal Independent Supporters Association are taking up the case, and it might be possible to sack the entire admin department and get in someone who actually understands what it means to spend over £2000 on two season tickets, and what sort of service we might expect in return. (Incidentally, if you are an AISA member – and you should be – don't forget the AGM next month).

But all such issues were, of course, forgotten in the game. Sixteen attempts on target, a forward line who can't score, and the re-emergence of Diaby, the confirmation of the ability of Ramsey, and further flutterings from the astonishingly brilliant Fran Merida.

First Diaby – who showed that the staggering performance in Turkey last year could be repeated ("everything you'd ever want in a player" was the Lord Wenger's view and watching him yesterday you could see why). He clearly can share Song's duties, as well as just about anybody else's duties on the pitch (and quite possibly could run the club's Admin far better than anyone currently doing the job). If he can just stay injury free, he'll be a star of the season.

And then Ramsey. The pass from van Persie was magnifico, but it took a huge level of coolness and ability to run through and score with such aplomb. Indeed it was magnifico aplomb (not a phrase many other blogs will be running today, I'll warrant you, and I can't wait to see how Team Talk Quebec translate that into French).

Fran M got his run out – and I really do hope we can find enough games to play him in (League Cup, FA Cup, and those meaningless games in the Champs League where we've already won the group and can afford to put out the kiddiwinks.)

But still no Wilshere. Of our Lord Wenger knows best, but I would like to watch him get at least half an hour sometime soon.

Thus top of the league (at least as I write this) and ready for Celtic, Manchester and Manchester in the next three. So far, three games 12 goals, spread out amongs the team. Just like the old days.

Oh I enjoyed that, although I have to say that the burger I stupidly had at half-time is still sitting in my stomach and refusing to budge, which has taken the edge off things a little. I wouldn't mention it normally but I do feel you ought to be aware of the sacrifices I make to bring you these reports.

Reproduced with permission from Untold Arsenal.

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