Horrendous Footballing Cliches

Must win game

The table never lies.

Over the course of a season, decisions even themselves out.

It's a game of two halves.*

*Unless there's extra time then it's a game of two two-halves, but still one game.

He's not that sort of lad.

(Usually when said "not sort of lad" has given cause for the opposite to be thought of him through being "that sort of lad")

"bad time to concede"

When is it ever good to concede?

I like that one.

6 point game

"This game needs a goal"

Of course it does, sherlock.

"We deserved to get a point"

Usually said by managers in their post game press conference after their team held on for dear life only to concede a late goal.

"We didn't lose the game, they won it"

Pretty sure KKKenny said something similar after the QPR debacle.

My personal favorite is when commentators talk about a script.

Also, hitting it TOO WELL.

"The game's not over 'til the ref blows the final whistle." - Oh rly?

"They're not in the game yet." (use it myself sometimes, but it's a stupid phrase) - you're "in the game" as soon as you've kicked off.

"The later you're in the game, the less time remains." (heard this one quite often from a german commentator) - you tell 'em Sherlock.

"Typical Paul Scholes tackle"

"2-0 is a very dangerous scoreline" Only if you bottle it Liverpool style

"That could be the biggest goal he'll ever score" Only until he scores the next biggest goal

It's a bit rare but, "That would've been a goal if it wasn't for [insert GKs name]" Bit obvious, that...

My personal favorite is when commentators talk about a script.

Also, hitting it TOO WELL.

That one irks me something rotten!

For the derby, form goes OUT OF THE WINDOW.

The 'hitting it too well' one, I actually like. It's actually quite observant, and can only come from someone with half a clue about the game.

It's usually said when shot goes straight down a keepers throat, meaning a bit of unintentional slice or pull would have probably resulted in a goal. Don't mean to come over all captain obvious, but I just feel the need to tell you why I like it.

"I've seen them given"

The 'hitting it too well' one, I actually like. It's actually quite observant, and can only come from someone with half a clue about the game.

It's usually said when shot goes straight down a keepers throat, meaning a bit of unintentional slice or pull would have probably resulted in a goal. Don't mean to come over all captain obvious, but I just feel the need to tell you why I like it.

Nah, I don't agree. if you hit it perfectly, it ends up in the corner out of reach of the goalkeeper. How can hitting it too well result in a shot straight down the keeper's throat? It can't be that good or it would be unsaveable.

But the commentator is only talking about the contact the player makes with the football, and not hitting it too well directionally.

They usually use the cliche when a player takes a snap shot with no time to organise his feet in order to go for a corner.

Is he, though? I understand what they're getting at, but surely part of hitting it well has to include direction? I always took hitting a ball well as including every part of it - power, direction, cleanness of strike etc.

Anyway, it's still a horrendous cliche

"They're looking at this free kick from both angles"

Implying there are only two angles.

Is he, though? I understand what they're getting at, but surely part of hitting it well has to include direction? I always took hitting a ball well as including every part of it - power, direction, cleanness of strike etc.

Anyway, it's still a horrendous cliche

"Is he though?", you ask? Yes, he is! Which just makes it a cliche, but not a horrendous one by any stretch. And of course hitting a ball well doesn't have to include direction! Before Arteta scored his goal yesterday, he hit one just as well that was pushed over the bar.

Anyway, I'm now trying to think of horrendous cliches but my dilithiums are very low and I'm feeling chemically depeleted from all this trying to make sense of stuff. I ******* hope you're happy now, I really ******* do. And proud.

"They're looking at this free kick from both angles"

Implying there are only two angles.

Didn't even think of it like that. True.

"he didn't mean that"

after a horrendous tackle/elbow/head collision... sometimes this comment is correct, but most of the times....

"Whoever scores more wins"

I'd love to post some horrendous footballing citations as well, but that would be off topic.

I'd love to post some horrendous footballing citations as well, but that would be off topic.

I don't see why not if they're good

Goalkeepers yelling 'Away'

Not so much a commentating cliche but I feel its fits this thread

He has a good touch for a big man... I cringe endlessly when I hear this.

Decisions even themselves out over the season

The idea that every tall black CM is akin to Vieira. F*cking N'Zonzi was compared to Vieira on MNF!

The BS that diving only came into the England when there was a great influx of foreign players.

The comment that every bloody goal is a good finish! After Wigan's goal vs Stoke where Wilkinson gave the ball away and Moses (I think) rounded the GK and passed it into the empty net, all the commentator could say was "Great finish."