Summer 2035: smoke from the Siberian perma-fire covers the skies of Europe, Plymouth Argyle fan 'The Peng Pilgrim' has posted his 300th message on AM insisting their star striker wouldn't take a step down and he doesn't care cos he's sh*t anyway, Mikel Arteta hides in the bushes as William Saliba opens the front door during his son's 8th birthday party to find a bag of burning faeces.