World Cup 2026 World Cup Guide: Team by Team

[Rex Caudillo]

Group D - Australia

Players in Top 5 Leagues: Five

Mathew Ryan - Levante
Alessandro Circati - Parma
Connor Metcalfe - St Pauli
Cristian Volpato - Sassuolo
Jackson Irvine - St Pauli

Form Guide:

Encouraging

Incredible smash and grab in the first game against the Turks but it wasn't completely out of left field.

They're probably the second best "Asian" team and breezed through qualifying before looking pretty good in the June friendlies.

Who's the Boss?:

Tony Popovic won 58 caps for the Socceroos and was part of Guus Hiddink's famous 2006 squad that qualified for the last 16. Also scored one of the worst PL own goals of all time with Palace.

As a manager he made it to five AFL Finals with Western Sydney, Perth and Melbourne but in 2021 - 2025 Mikel Arteta fashion couldn't win any of them.

One of the best Australian managers in the game today there's real excitement with him at the helm for this World Cup.



Motherf*cking Starboy:

Look he might not even see the field but I want you to realise I was early on this kid. Lucas Herrington might rival the great Harry Kewell for most talented footballer his country has ever produced.

Barcelona and Napoli are heavily linked with the 18 year old centre back who has excelled in the MLS with Colorado.



The main man:

Popovic deploys a five man backline so goalkeeper Jordan Beach, Parma centre back Alessandro Circati and star left back Jordan Bos have support at the back.

Up front it's a different story with the strikers very isolated but after his metamorphosis into R9 against Turkey instead of a guy who scored 4 goals in 40 Championship games with Watford, young Nestory Irankunda could have a breakout tournament for the Aussies.



Why is bro here?:

A first teamer for Sassuolo in Serie A and having gone through the age groups with the Italian National Team it was a massive shock when Cristian Volpato accepted a last minute invitation to play for Australia.

Maybe he realised if he wanted to play in a World Cup he might never get there with Italy...



World Cup GOAT:

A case to make for Maty Ryan or Matthew Leckie but Tim Cahill would've made it just for that banger against the Dutch in 2014.

Even so he played at 4 World Cups, scored at 3 and was the star of their famous win over Japan in 2006 setting up their last 16 run.

Also he was a day one supporter of our boss so easy choice!



Best Tournament Finish:

Last 16 (2006 & 2022)

Rextradamus prediction:

Group D looked like it would be a cakewalk for Turkey but now it's been flipped on it's head. The Socceroos will be feeling positive about maybe even topping the group but regardless they're all but in the next round.

Playing it safe I think they finish second setting up a Round of 32 showdown with Egypt.

Now this to me is a toss up game but I'll give the edge to the superior talent on the Egyptian side meaning a Round of 32 exit for the Socceroos.

Don't be shocked if they go one round further though...

Which Simpsons character would they be?:

Is it incredibly lazy once again? Absolutely.

Was there any one else I considered? Absolutely not.

"The Australian Prime Minister"

 

[Rex Caudillo]

Group D - Paraguay

Players in Top 5 Leagues:

Four

Omar Alderete - Sunderland
Diego Gomez - Brighton and Hove Albion
Antonio Sanabria - Cremonense
Julio Enciso - Strasbourg

Very workmanlike squad for La Albirroja at this tournament with the vast majority playing in South America.

Form Guide:

Oñemondýi

It had been a resurgence for Paraguay as they had turned around a sinking qualification campaign after an atrocious 2024 Copa America to look in good shape for the tournament.

For whatever reason they looked completely dazed against the USA with a team built on solidity getting carved open again and again.

Who's the Boss?:

Argentine Gustavo Alfaro has managed almost entirely in Argentina after a stint as a co-commentator before guiding a young Ecuador team to the 2022 World Cup.

He rescued Paraguay's campaign ensuring they only lost once in their final 12 games to secure automatic qualification.



Motherf*cking Starboy:

Feels like cheating putting a former PL player in here but Julio Enciso looked really good at Brighton and it surely won't be long until Chelsea bring him over from their Strasbourg stash-house.

He avoided a serious knee injury in the warm up games and showed what a blessing that was as he was the lone bright spot against the Americans grabbing an assist and looking good on the ball.

If there's any hope of Paraguay advancing the starlet will be key creatively.



The main man:

The only other player that possesses real quality in this Paraguay side, Brighton's Diego Gomez played pretty much the entire season for the Seagulls in central midfield.

Instead he lined up on the right wing where Robinson and Pulisic absolutely feasted on him and right back Caceres.

Alfaro must surely be looking to restore his high battery tenacity to midfield. A mix of silky technique and grit has been a key element of Brighton's strong season.



Why is bro here?:

Not so much a shock he's in the squad but a real blast from the past. Hardcore A-M junkies will remember Antonio Sanabria as a perma linked wonderkid when he was at La Masia over a decade ago.

Maybe missing out on him wasn't such a disappointment after all...



World Cup GOAT:

A case could be made for a man still playing today in Roque Santa Cruz but really it is of course a certain keeper.

However it is NOT free kick taking icon Jose Luis Chilavert but instead Justo Villar. If you don't know who that is I don't blame you but he was the hero of Paraguay's determined run to the quarter finals in 2010.

He conceded 2 goals in 5 games, made some incredible saves against the Italians in the first match to salvage a draw before doing the same in the quarter final including saving a Xabi Alonso penalty until the goal was ultimately breached by David Villa's late winner.



Best Tournament Finish:

Quarter Finals (2010)

Rextradamus prediction:

I think they still have a slim chance of getting through. It will be a loser leaves town game against Turkey and if they're still alive then an absolute war against Australia in the final game.

Going with my head though I think they're cooked and it's a Group Exit.

Which Simpsons character would they be?:

Stubborn, always ready to fight but starting off most encounters at a massive disadvantage?

Of course it's Herman Herrman.

 

[Steps]

US Synopsis:

Garbage. Worst run FA in the world. So bad that Pochettino is openly interviewing for other jobs leading into the World Cup.

Heroes: Donovan? Howard? Reyna?

Simpsons Character: Ralph Wiggum

 

[Trilly]

@Rex Caudillo amazing work, great read.

 

[Rex Caudillo]

@Rex Caudillo amazing work, great read.

Thanks bro really appreciate it.

Will keep cranking them out lol.

 

[Rex Caudillo]

Group D - Turkey

Players in Top 5 Leagues: Nine

Zeki Celik - AS Roma
Salih Ozcan - Borussia Dortmund
Arda Guler - Real Madrid
Hakan Calhanoglu - Inter Milan
Kenan Yildiz - Juventus
Altay Bayindir - Manchester United
Ozan Kabak - TSG Hoffenheim
Ferdi Kadıoğlu - Brighton & Hove Albion
Can Uzun - Eintracht Frankfurt

With a lot of players also represented in a Galatasaray team that had a good Champions League campaign there was real optimism coming into this tournament that they could rival the 2002 team.

Form Guide:

Yıkılmak

Hard to think of a bigger collapse than what we've seen from them in the Australia game. Although they finished a distant second to a strong Spain side they got an impressive draw in Sevilla on the final group matchday.

After that they moved relatively serenely past Macedonia and Kosovo in the playoffs to make it back to the first World Cup since their iconic run in 2002 and they looked very strong in their warm up games.

Then came the Australia game and the team looked like they'd never played together before. Looked turgid and couldn't handle a pretty workmanlike Aussie side on the break.

Who's the boss?:

Vincenzo Montella had won over the Turkish fans pre-Tournament with an impressive showing at Euro 2024, promotion to Nations League A and finishing ahead of a dangerous Georgian side in qualifying.

However after that first game if the reaction is anything to go by, popular or not he might well be looking for a new job.



Motherf*cking Starboy:

Could've gone with Can Uzun of Frankfurt here but seen he's absolutely crucial to their chances of progressing Kenan Yildiz it is. Arsenal fans are very well acquainted with him considering the permanent fixture he's had in the wishlist thread and he's probably been Juventus' best player over the last year.

However he's been nursing a hamstring injury at the end of the season and the fact he was only fit for a cameo appearance against Australia suggests he's a way short of full fitness.



The main man:

As seen against the Aussies where he took eight shots by himself, Turkey's tournament will live and die by how well Arda Guler performs considering how the team is set up to get the best out of him with Calhanoglu and Kokcu in particular putting hard yards in around him.

He's looked unplayable at times for Real Madrid this season with a threat to goal from long (his own half against Elche) or short range and is a smooth dribbler.




Why is bro here?:

A throwback to yesteryear with Career Mode legend my man Caglar Soyuncu who barely features for Turkey anymore and wasn't even expected to be in the squad.

After a rough end to his time at Leicester when they were relegated he had a blink and you'll miss it stay with Atletico Madrid before somewhat rehabbing his career with Fenerbahce.



World Cup GOAT:

They don't make them like this anymore... incredible ponytail and anti glare eye paint Rustu Recber is a proper icon of goalkeeping.

Team of the Tournament for their bronze medal place in 2002 where he also had the most saves per match of any goalkeeper.

UEFA team of the year for 2002 as well then repeated the heroics off the bench for the 2008 Euros. What a G.



Best Tournament Finish:

Third Place (2002)

Rextradamus prediction:

Bold call but I think they're done. One of their most important players is clearly playing through an injury, losing 2-0 also leaves them in a Goal Difference hole and the Americans are going to be an incredibly tough proposition.

I think they beat Paraguay but can see the USA finishing them off. The only way they make it to me is if the USA absolutely hammer Australia and then rest everyone for the Turkey game.

Otherwise I think it's all but over and a Group Stage Exit.

Which Simpsons character would they be?:

Always tantalising and often promising the world but fail to deliver when things get serious? Lyle Lanley

 

[Rex Caudillo]

Group D - United States of America

Players in Top 5 Leagues:

Thirteen

Pretty self evident this is the best squad the Americans have sent to the World Cup in their history. Very little match-winning talent but a lot of good players like Tyler Adams and Antonee Robinson.

Form Guide:

Uneven

Friendlies were so poor against Germany and Belgium it looked like a national embarrassment could be on the cards.

Luckily they've got a pretty easy group and it was belt to ass for poor Paraguay in the first game.

Who's the Boss?:

Hiring Mauricio Pochettino was seen as a statement of intent before a home World Cup but he is apparently leaving immediately after the tournament, keen to get back to Europe.

It does smack of hiring a flashy name for the short team rather than actually building a long lasting structure for him to work in. Has downplayed their chances already calling the country "arrogant" in expecting anything.



Motherf*cking Starboy:

Alex Freeman had an impressive showing at right back in the first game.

A key part of the US Gold Cup campaign last year, even a move to Villarreal in January where he struggled to get much game time didn't cause Pochettino to doubt starting the 21 year old.



The main man:

So one of two players here.

Would love to go with former Arsenal man Balogun, especially after his red hot start to the tournament but Christian Pulisic has long been the most recognisable face of the USMNT and when he's on form their play just flows that much better.

The "LeBron James of Soccer" is one of the few creative outlets in the team who could create opportunities for Balogun or also himself.



Why is bro here?:

With his career fully hitting the bricks in Europe at least and now sitting on the US bench it's a man who Edu signed twice Matt Turner.

Genuinely hard to believe that he's a top three keeper in any country but there we are.



World Cup GOAT:

Couple to choose from here including Brad Friedel or Landon Donovan from the 2002 World Cup campaign but we can maybe do one better.

Did you know that USA once made the Semi-Finals of a World Cup all the way back in the first ever tournament held in 1930?

There Bert Patenaude was on fire for them bagging four goals including the first ever World Cup hat-trick. Still joint second for World Cup goals in his country's history 96 years later.



Best Tournament Finish:

Semi-Finals (1930)

Rextradamus prediction:

They've got a good team by modern international standards with a relatively easy group and Round of 32 match-up.

Having crunched the numbers I foresee a match-up with the Bosnians in the last 32 which they should win.

Next up is Senegal which is a coin toss game. I see it going either way but I'm going with my heart and think the Lions of Teranga will see it out meaning a Last 16 finish for the hosts.

Which Simpsons character would they be?:

Loud, annoying and most people can't wait until they're off their screens? Poochie

 

[Rex Caudillo]

Group E - Curacao
Players in Top 5 Leagues:

Zero

Doesn't tell the whole story as the majority of the squad are based in the Eredivisie with some others playing for Super Lig and Championship teams.

Form Guide:

Sperá

They've not had a good time of it recently. After sealing a dramatic qualification in November there's been poundings by powerhouses such as Australia, China and Scotland.

Things predictabaly didn't improve against the Germans who only decided to stop punishing awful turnovers after their seventh goal.

Who's the Boss?:

Legend of the game **** Advocaat is back managing at his third World Cup having previously overseen the Dutch at USA 94 and the South Koreans at Germany 06.

With Curacao though he may well have lost his touch. He rolled out a diamond midfield in the clobbering against the Germans but before that had used 4-4-2, 4-1-4-1, 4-3-3 and a 4-2-3-1 using a new formation in each of their last six games...



Motherf*cking Starboy:

One of the NEC squad who managed to surprise everyone and finish third in the Eredivisie giving them a shot at a Champions League spot, Deveron Fonville is a centre back who's equally comfortable at left back.



The main man:

Playing at the top of the diamond in their first group game, Advocaat clearly constructed the line-up to get the best out of Tahith Chong the former Manchester United prospect.

He's had a tough year for Sheffield United, suffering a meniscus tear in September and struggling to break into the first team afterwards. For Curacao though he's absolutely vital and one of their few players comfortable on the ball.



Why is bro here?:

Jurgen Locadia is the starting striker for Curacao but he's been called up four times by the Netherlands without playing and almost made the 2014 World Cup with them if not for injury.

The name may be familiar to those of you played FIFA 14 where he was an overpowered wonderkid. In real life it hasn't quite gone so well for him, he managed to secure a move to Brighton from PSV but only scored 3 goals in 35 games and has most recently played in the fourth tier of Spain and currently the second tier of the USA football pyramid.

Did try his hand at becoming a DJ and released a couple of songs in 2017 (no way I'm listening to them).



World Cup GOAT:

First time competitors but Livano Comenencia's goal was an incredible moment for the tiny island nation.



Best Tournament Finish:

Again first time competitors.

Rextradamus prediction:

Group Stage Exit. They're probably going to heavily lose every game at this World Cup but they're still history makers and have achieved something incredible in just being here.

Which Simpsons character would they be?:

Exciting background characters with some incredible garms? Disco Stu

 

[Rex Caudillo]

Group E - Ecuador

Players in Top 5 Leagues:

Six

Piero Hincapie - Arsenal
Pervis Estupinan - AC Milan
Willian Pacho - PSG
Moises Caicedo - Chelsea
Nilson Angulo - Sunderland
Jeremy Arevalo - VFB Stuttgart

Almost no doubt that this is the best team (on paper at least) that Ecuador have ever sent to a World Cup.

Form Guide:

Impresionante

Only losing twice doing qualifying as well as conceding a measly five goals suggested that this was a team built for tournament football.

Add some great results in friendlies against the Dutch and Moroccans and that sucker punch from the Cote d'Ivoire must have been a real shock to the system.

Who's the boss?:

Hands down the best looking manager at this World Cup, 90s Armani model reincarnated Sebastián Beccacece is a longtime disciple of Jorge Sampaoli, working with him for the Chilean and Argentinian National Teams in past World Cups.




Motherf*cking Starboy:

Not a lot to go for here but let's go with attacker Jeremy Arévalo who looked promising at Racing Santander before a winter move to Stuttgart.

Unlikely to feature much in the tournament although he may get chances if their struggles in front of goal continue.



The main man:

Standout defender in back to back Champions League titles? Of course it's going to be Willian Pacho.

Alongside Hincapie he forms a really formidable centre-back pairing and after a pretty poor 2022 World Cup his career has truly taken off.



Why is bro here?:

Yes he's Ecuador's leading goalscorer at World Cups but it is genuinely mental that at 36 years old Enner Valencia is captaining and leading the line for "La Tri".

The former West Man is currently playing in Mexico so maybe can use his knowledge of the conditions to his advantage in replicating his 2014 form.



World Cup GOAT:

Although Enner runs him awfully close I'm going with the star man Antonio Valencia from the 2006 campaign which is still the only time Ecuador has made it out of the groups.

Although he didn't score he put in some excellent performances against Costa Rica and Poland.



Best Tournament Finish:

Last 16 (2006)

Rextradamus prediction:

A 0-0 against Cote d'Ivoire would have been an acceptable result but now they are truly in a hole.

Under Beccacece over a third of their results have been 0-0 meaning they really struggle to score goals. A result against Curacao gets them close to qualifying and they'll be hoping Germany win against the Ivorians and rotate for the final game.

I have them escaping the group in third and then playing the hosts Mexico. They're a far superior team and used to playing in the heat so think they will triumph.

Next up would be England who I think will just have too much although it could be a really awkward game so Last 16 Exit.

Which Simpsons character would they be?:

Overshadowed by their famous neighbours with a love of strict discipline guided by a leader with long flowing hair? Ned Flanders

 

[Steps]

It does smack of hiring a flashy name for the short team rather than actually building a long lasting structure for him to work in. Has downplayed their chances already calling the country "arrogant" in expecting anything.

This is "US Soccer" in a nutshell. They don't give a toss for the game, just the money. They have zero interest beyond lip service to potential sponsors for building an actual footballing infrastructure in the country. It's absurd at best, disgraceful and embarrassing at worst.

For the Europeans on the boards, let me give you some insight into the insanity of pricing here. For me to get decent season tickets for my local team, it would cost me north of $7,000 USD for a set of two tickets. Seven grand to watch some of the most generic, boring football being played on the planet.

To be clear: I love my local team, and was heavily involved in the fight to keep them here (our previous owner wanted to pull an America and move the team to Texas). I have a good deal of friendships I've built over the last 30 years, and the atmosphere is decent (if you discount the drunkards in the north stand), but I am done supporting the MLS in any way until the league and US Soccer stop degrading their fans. My nephew is a very talented young player, and it kills me to know that due to the failure of our FA, he has no real future in the sport unless my sister moves abroad, or we win the lottery and can pay for his advancement.

 

[Rex Caudillo]

This is "US Soccer" in a nutshell. They don't give a toss for the game, just the money. They have zero interest beyond lip service to potential sponsors for building an actual footballing infrastructure in the country. It's absurd at best, disgraceful and embarrassing at worst.

For the Europeans on the boards, let me give you some insight into the insanity of pricing here. For me to get decent season tickets for my local team, it would cost me north of $7,000 USD for a set of two tickets. Seven grand to watch some of the most generic, boring football being played on the planet.

To be clear: I love my local team, and was heavily involved in the fight to keep them here (our previous owner wanted to pull an America and move the team to Texas). I have a good deal of friendships I've built over the last 30 years, and the atmosphere is decent (if you discount the drunkards in the north stand), but I am done supporting the MLS in any way until the league and US Soccer stop degrading their fans. My nephew is a very talented young player, and it kills me to know that due to the failure of our FA, he has no real future in the sport unless my sister moves abroad, or we win the lottery and can pay for his advancement.

$3500 for a season ticket to an MLS team is diabolical work.

A 23 game Arsenal membership is 2 grand ffs.

 

[Rex Caudillo]

Group E - Germany

Players in Top 5 Leagues:

Twenty Five

Leroy Sane (Galatasaray) being the only exception.

It's a squad with 20 players from the Bundesliga with four in the Premier League the second highest.

Form Guide:

Bedrohlich

Die Mannschaft are really rolling right now. On a ten game winning streak stretching back to 2025 and absolutely crushed poor Curacao in their first game.

Tougher challenges await but they're a team in real spooky form.

Who's the Boss?:

Former managerial Wunderkind Julianne Nagelsmann has been coming in for some real criticism by the media and the likes of Uli Hoeness to the extent that he's under real pressure to have a successful tournament.

Fun fact he's a year younger than the returning Manuel Neuer.



Motherf*cking Starboy:

After missing Euro 2024 due to tonsilitis (woke nonsense) , young Alexander Pavlovic has fought his way into the starting XI for club and country which considering the options ahead of him is no easy feat.

Although he's not a fully rounded midfielder yet (out of possession remains a weakness) his passing range and technical control is sumptuous and he looks nailed on to be a fixture for Germany in the Busquets mould for many tournaments to come.



The main man:

I could've gone with Wirtz but after a lot of questions about him pre-tournament, Jamal Musiala has started in fine form. The last time he played in the US he suffered a horrific injury and has struggled to regain that pre-injury form this season.

As well as the injury he had to reintegrate to a team that had moved ahead with a locked front three of Diaz - Kane - Olise but there were still moments of magic and he ended in a much healthier place.



Why is bro here?:

Galatasaray fans will be at pains to tell you how washed Leroy Sane is but apparently the Germans see it differently and he not only made the squad but started against Curacao.

With an unsurprisingly stinky performance it surely wouldn't be a terrible idea to drop him for Goretzka in the latter rounds and beef up the midfield?



World Cup GOAT:

Ridiculously easy choice here. Franz "Der Kaiser" Beckenbauer is one of only three men to win the World Cup as both a player and manager.

Controlled the game against Clockwork Oranje (forgetting the dodgy penalty the Germans got) in the 1974 final outduelling the likes of Cruyff, Neeskens and Resenbrink from his libero position.

It's one of the defining World Cup final performances and probably would've won another tournament in 1966 if not for a linesman blunder on the English winner. An almost un-German like player in so much as his mastery of all facets of the game embodied Total Football probably more than anyone else in history.



Best Tournament Finish:

Wnners (1954, 1974, 1990, 2014)

Rextradamus prediction:

Despite the negativity around the team coming in I actually like the Germans to have a good tournament.

They have creativity, experienced defenders and midfielders who like to control possession. I think they top their group and breeze past Scotland in the round of 32.

That will set up a Last 16 tie with the French which controversially I think they win. To me they have a more balanced squad and can outduel them in midfield if they set up in a 4-3-3.

On to the quarter finals where I've annoyed @jones already by predicting a win over Morocco before a rematch from Euro 2024 and a Semi-Final loss to the Spanish.

Will give them the edge in the playoff for a Third Place finish.

Which Simpsons character would they be?:

Incredibly lazy for the third or fourth time here but of course I'm going to go with Uter Zorker...

 

[Rex Caudillo]

Group E - Cote d'Ivoire

Players in Top 5 Leagues:

Twelve

Odilon Kossounou - Atalanta
Ange-Yoan Bonny - Inter Milan
Simon Adingra - AS Monaco
Yan Diomande - RB Leipzig
Elye Wahi - OGC Nice
Amad Diallo - Manchester United
Guéla Doué - Strasbourg
Ibrahim Sangaré - Nottingham Forest
Nicolas Pepe - Villarreal
Evan Ndicka - AS Roma
Evann Guessand - Crystal Palace
Bazoumana Touré - TSG Hoffenheim

This is the third youngest squad at the tournament and with a really exciting core they will be hoping for a good experience here to act as a launchpad for 2030.

Form Guide:

Alléchant

A pretty average AFCON probably had them ranked as comfortable third favourites in this group at the start of the year.

However they are now on a four game winning streak including clean sheet victories over fellow participants Scotland and South Korea before thrilling late winners from Amid Diallo (supersub alert) against the French two weeks ago and the Ecuadoreans last week.

Who's the Boss?:

It's nice to see an actual Ivorian manager in charge rather than a random French or Belgian journeyman.

Emerse Faé worked his way up from the U-23s and managed a fairytale run to win AFCON in 2023 with the seniors as caretaker after getting appointed during the tournament.



Motherf*cking Starboy:

The hype around Yan Diomande is reaching galactic levels. At time of writing he's all but certainly moving for 100M plus to a top European club after a brilliant season with Leipzig.

An incredible dribbler who absolutely barbecued Hincapie in the first game to a point I've not seen anyone else and a real contender for Golden Boy, it's safe to say the next Ivorian superstar has arrived.



The main man:

In contrast to Diomande, the captain Franck Kessie is not exactly a thrilling player but considering the 4-4-2 formation with his role in the middle of the park is every bit as important.

Midfield is a weakness for Les Elephants so the former Barcelona and AC Milan is going to be asked to do a huge job in possession as well as out if they are to get into the later stages of the tournament.



Why is bro here?:

Not going into incredible detail on why I've chosen Elye Wahi but if you look at the lengthy Controversies section of his Wikipedia page it should be self explanatory.

Strange guy.



World Cup GOAT:

Despite not meeting the expectations many had for their "Golden Generation", Didier Drogba scored his nation's first ever World Cup goal against Argentina in 2006 and captained them at three successive tournaments.



Best Tournament Finish:

Group Stage (2006, 2010 and 2014)

Rextradamus prediction:

This might be a tournament too soon for a team I think could maybe even contend in 2030 but that won't stop them from reaching the knockout stage, especially after an incredible late winner against Ecuador.

I think they'll finish runner-up to the Germans meaning they FINALLY make it out of the groups and on to the knockouts where I have them losing a close tie to the Norwegians whose fast and strong frontline pose trouble for a suspect backline meaning a Round of 32 exit.

Which Simpsons character would they be?:

Used to a legacy of crushing disappointment but have they got an incredibly bright future on the horizon? Lisa Simpson

 

[Rex Caudillo]

Group F - Netherlands

Players in Top 5 Leagues:

Twenty-two with Memphis Depay (Corinthians), Wout Weghorst (Ajax), Guus Til (PSV) and Noa Lang (Galatasaray) the only exceptions.

Vast majority of the squad plays in the Premier League.

Form Guide:

Bewerkelijk

It's been a pretty uninspired run of games recently grinding out qualification ahead of the Poles before struggling to friendly wins against Uzbekistan and Norway along with some worrying results against Ecuador and Algeria.

Who's the Boss?:

Incredible player and a terrible manager it is honestly bizarre how Koeman keeps managing to hold onto high profile jobs.

He's got a track record of bullying players all the way back to his Everton days and seems to pick favourites despite awful form such as Depay and Weghorst.

Had seemingly never heard of Zian Flemming despite 11 goals in the Premier League this year when asked about him in a recent Press Conference.



Motherf*cking Starboy:

Jorrel Hato is the youngest player but he's unlikely to see significant game time. Instead as Mark Verbruggen is still only 23 and has banked a very good season with Brighton he seems like the perfect choice.

Defence is the real strength of this Dutch team and he's been very solid since starting at Euro 2024.



The main man:

Could go Van Dijk here but the burden on him is reduced playing alongside two other good centre backs.

Close with Gravenberch but as there will be a need for them to retain possession and sustain attacks considering their pretty dire options up front, I'm going with a throwback to previous technical Dutch masters in Frenkie De Jong.

Despite his prominence I really think he's still an underrated deep midfielder having survived some insanely poor handling from Barcelona to become a vital player despite his frequent spells out with injury.



Why is bro here?:

Insane he's in the squad ahead of the likes of Flemming but Memphis Depay is at the World Cup despite a dire spell with Corinthians.

Depressingly he's the record goalscorer for the Dutch.



World Cup GOAT:

Some incredible names to choose from (stark contrast to today) and you could make a case for any one of Cruyff, Robben or Bergkamp.

Instead though I'm going a bit left field and choosing Johan Neeskens. One of the greatest box-to-box midfielders in history he still has the record for fastest goal in a World Cup final from 1974.

Whilst he was absolutely second fiddle to Cruyff in 1974, he was the main man in 1978 when Cruyff refused to travel to Argentina. That makes him the common thread in back to back final appearances for the greatest team to never win a World Cup, the Clockwork Oranje.



Best Tournament Finish:

Runners-up (1974, 1978 & 2010)

Rextradamus prediction:

I absolutely hate this team but I do unfortunately think it is going to be very effective. The game today values height, power and pace which the Dutch have in abundance.

Koeman needs to trust Summerville over the likes of Memphis because creativity is in short supply. I have them finishing runners-up (controversial) in their group setting up a rematch of the 1998 Semi-Final in the Round of 32 against the Brazilians.

Whilst it is a poor imitation of Bergkamp vs R9 I think the Dutch will triumph and have the perfect back line to handle Haaland and Sorloth in the Last 16.

That sets up a yet another rematch, this time of the 2024 Euros Semi-Final where it'll be the same result again and a Quarter Final Exit at the hands of England (who do what this Dutch side can do but better).

Which Simpsons character would they be?:

Musclebound but one-trick ponies with little actual value? Duffman

 

[Rex Caudillo]

Group F - Sweden

Players in Top 5 Leagues:

Fourteen

Victor Lindelof - Aston Villa
Isak Hien - Atalanta
Gabriel Gudmundsson - Leeds United
Lucas Bergvall - Tottenham
Daniel Svensson - Borussia Dortmund
Alexander Isak - Liverpool
Hjalmar Ekdal - Burnley
Anthony Elanga - Nottingham Forest
Carl Starfelt - Celta Vigo
Jesper Karlstrom - Udinese
Victor Gyokeres - Arsenal
Yasin Ayari - Brighton & Hove Albion
Mattias Svanberg - VFL Wolfsburg
Eric Smith - FC St Pauli

Form Guide:

Återuppväckt

The Blågult are only here due to a quirk of Nations League qualifying. They finished bottom of their qualifying group failing to win a single game.

However after two dubious managerial appointments they struck gold with former Brighton and Chelsea manager Graham Potter who guided the Swedes through the playoffs after taking the job and turned the team into a free scoring threat.

Who's the Boss?:

Graham Potter has famously managed in Sweden before and has revitalised the Swedish attack with what used to be an issue of fitting in Isak and Gyokeres now a lethal weapon for opponents to fear.

His career was in real trouble after a shambolic Chelsea spell but his appointment has been a huge mutual win for both him and the Swedes who are now "dark horses" which is an insane rise considering where they were in November.



Motherf*cking Starboy:

I am doing everything I can to avoid picking a Sp**s player here so luckily Yasin Ayari had a scintillating first game against the Tunisians, ironically the country he came very close to representing.

After featuring with Blackburn and Coventry in the Championship he's starting to force his way into Brighton's first team and is definitely one to watch.



The main man:

Yes Isak is probably the better player on form but after this season he definitely has not been firing on all cylinders.

Viktor Gyokeres meanwhile has squeezed every drop possible out of his ability to help Arsenal end a 22 year wait for a Premier League trophy. He's won over the fans and has his eyes set on bullying international defenders in his first World Cup.



Why is bro here?:

It is genuinely mental that at 32 years old, Championship legend Ken Sema will be playing in the World Cup after playing in his first Champions League with Pafos FC this year.

An incredible year for the man who used to be the scourge of second flight defenders in his Watford days.



World Cup GOAT:

Andreas Liedholm probably had the greatest single tournament in Swedish history starring in midfield to get the Swedes to the final in their home tournament of 1958. However he only played in that single edition.

Other contenders were the leading World Cup goalscorer Henrik Larsson or even Thomas Brolin who went Super Saiyan in 1994 to fire Sweden to a Bronze Medal but instead Kalle Svensson who was the star keeper for the 1950 bronze medal campaign and the 1958 silver medal run is probably most deserving.



Best Tournament Finish:

Runner-up (1958)

Rextradamus prediction:

I think they’re going to top the group. They’re going to work the Dutch hard today and a front two of Gyok and Isak could open the Japanese up.

All they really need is a draw then win to wrap up first and into the next round where they’ll face Morocco in my predictor.

Good defence beats good attack imo so close defeat in a Round of 32 exit.

Which Simpsons character would they be?:

Yellow, blue and still alive despite too many beatings to count? Milhouse

 

[Rex Caudillo]

So due to a busy weekend I have fallen quite far behind on these but will endeavour on today and tomorrow...

Group F - Tunisia

Players in Top 5 Leagues:

Seven

Ali Abdi - OGC Nice
Montassar Talbi - Lorient
Hannibal Mejbri - Burnley
Ismael Gharbi - FC Augsburg
Rani Khedira - Union Berlin
Khalil Ayari - PSG
Ellyes Skhiri - Eintracht Frankfurt

Form Guide:

غير موثوق بها

So before the tournament they'd absolutely stormed qualifying - going unbeaten and not even conceding a goal.

However AFCON was pretty average, just about scraping through a group of Tanzania, Nigeria and Uganda setting up a last 16 tie with Mali. Firas Chaouat had thought he'd won the game with a 88th minute goal but they gave away a last minute penalty and then conspired to lose in the shootout.

That previously strong defence didn't bother turning up this time round and they've conceded 9 goals in two games.

Who's the boss?:

So it was Sabri Lamouchi the former Moroccan international who last coached the Cote d'Ivoire during their disappointing 2014 campaign.

They fired him pretty abruptly after the 5-1 hammering by the Swedes in a move not seen at the World Cup since... Tunisia in the 1998 edition.

They chose to replace him with the housewife favourite Herve Renard who bizarrely has already replaced Lamouchi before as Ivory Coast manager back in 2014.



Motherf*cking Starboy:

Yet to play at this World Cup (although Renard may play him against the Dutch now it's a dead rubber) young Khalil Ayari is now seen as the Golden Boy of Tunisian soccer.

He signed a permanent deal with PSG from Stade Tunisien in February nominally to feature in the U-23s but hopes are high that he achieve even more with the European Champions.



The Main Man:

Had a pretty poor season with Burnley but there's not doubt that Hannibal Mejbri is the star man for this mediocre Tunisia side and has acquitted himself well despite the dismal campaign.

Has shown for the ball even in congested areas and recycled it pretty well on the whole. Can hold his head high at least.



Why is Bro here?:

Pretty easy one here.

Not quite the name his brother Sami is, Bundesliga journeyman Rani Khedira at the tail end of his career agreed in January to represent Tunisia having represented Germany at U-21 level over a decade ago.

Wild there's still a Khedira playing in the World Cup...



World Cup GOAT:

Almost certainly Wahbi Khazri who's got three goals and two assists over two World Cups.

He scored the winner against Panama in 2018 to record Tunisia's first World Cup win for 40 years and then in 2022 scored the legendary solo goal to defeat France in a colonial derby which is comfortably the greatest moment in his country's history at this tournament.



Best Tournament Finish:

Group Stage (1978, 1998, 2002, 2006, 2018, 2022 & 2026)

Rextradamus Prediction:

Well this will be short seen as they're already out but I will look into my Crystal Ball and predict... a final game battering by the Dutch in this disappointing Group Stage Exit.

Which Simpsons character would they be?:

Brief appearance, almighty crashout and a pretty depressing end? Of course it's Frank "Grimey" Grimes.

 

[Rex Caudillo]

Group F - Japan

Players in Top 5 Leagues:

Twelve

Zion Suzuki - Parma
Yukinari Sugawara - Werder Bremen
Shuto Machino - Borussia Monchengladbach
Ao Tanaka - Leeds United
Takefusa Kubo - Real Sociedad
Ritsu Doan - Eintracht Frankfurt
Daichi Kamada - Crystal Palace
Yuito Suzuki - SC Freiburg
Ayumu Seko - Le Havre
Hiroki Ito - Bayern Munich
Kaishu Sano - Mainz 05
Kento Shiogai - VFL Wolfsburg

Even with injuries to three key players this is almost without a doubt the strongest squad that Japan has ever sent to a World Cup and the representation in Europe's Top 5 leagues every four year has been steadily rising since 2002.

Form Guide:

感動的な

In addition to the squad the other reason for optimism has been the scintillating recent form for the Samurai Blue.

They'd won every game they played since October (albeit in friendlies) with victories including Ghana, Scotland and really impressive results against Brazil and England.

Expectations will still be soaring after a thrilling draw with the Dutch and a total dismantling of Tunisia so far at this finals.

Who’s the Boss?:

This is the third consecutive World Cup for Hajime Moriyasu who assisted last manager Akira Nishino in Russia before succeeding him after the tournament.

As a former defensive midfielder who received 35 caps for his country he's been a shrewd appointment focusing on a conservative and balanced approach which has led to some incredible results in recent years.

Has deployed the same 3-4-2-1 formation for almost a year which looks to break quickly without overcommitting meaning they tactically are one of the more settled sides at this World Cup despite the injuries.



Motherf*cking Starboy:

Japan has sent a very experienced squad to this World Cup with most youngsters barely getting off the bench but one exception is starting keeper Zion Suzuki.

Has played well for Parma in Serie A and is now being linked to Champions League clubs like Aston Villa and Bayern Munich.



The main man:

On paper it's Kaishu Sano but considering some of the allegations floating around this guy I'd honestly rather not.

Instead I'll go for the recent Conference League winner and South London star Daichi Kamada.

He hasn't had the easiest of times adapting to the Premier League and is probably moving on after the tournament but for Japan he's vital especially in the absence of Mitoma and Endo where we've seen him partner Sano in midfield against the Dutch before playing as a left side attacker in the demolition of Tunisia.

Already bagging two goals he looks really in form.



Why is bro here?:

Seems cruel picking our man Tomiyasu here so let's go with a @Clrnc favourite Yuto Nagatomo.

Unlikely to see the field but this is his fifth World Cup at 39 and holds the Japanese record for appearances at the finals.

Definition of dependable full back who's properly underrated in his time with Inter Milan



World Cup GOAT:

Whilst Nagatomo deserves a shout as does the greatest ever player in Japan's history Hidetoshi Nakata in reality considering the role he played in South Africa 2010 let's go with the former AC Milan man Keisuke Honda.

Scored a banger free kick against the Danes but also bagged an incredible three MOTM awards as the Japan made it to the last 16.



Best Tournament Finish:

Round of 16 (2002, 2010, 2018 & 2022)

Rextradamus prediction:

They're probably qualifying in second place which would set up a mouthwatering clash against Brazil.

Going with the upset and say the Japanese are winning that and I then have them facing off against the Norwegians in the Last 16.

The good times don't stop there and Japan will make it to their FIRST ever quarter-final before my heart breaks in telling you that they will be eliminated by England for a Quarter-Final Exit.

Which Simpsons character would they be?:

Like the Japanese national team, Akira is versatile and full of different talents working in two Sushi restaurants, a department store and as a karate dojo sensei (Yes I know this is incredibly lazy once again...).

 

[Rex Caudillo]

Group G - Belgium

Players in Top 5 Leagues:

Twenty

Only exceptions are Zeno Debast (Sporting CP), Nicolas Raskin (Rangers), Dodi Lukebakio (Benfica), Joaquin Seys, Brandon Mechele & Hans Vanaken (Club Brugge)

Form Guide:

Ennuyeux

Qualification had been handled efficiently and aside from a bore draw against Mexico they'd handily dispatched Croatia, USA and Tunisia in other friendlies indicating a positive tournament.

Instead they've absolutely huffed and puffed to two points against mediocre opposition in Iran and Egypt meaning that improbably New Zealand has become a must win game.

Who’s the Boss?:

Rudi Garcia was once upon a time seen as the next great French manager believe it or not. After an incredible league win in 2010-11 with young Eden Hazard and Gervinho as Lille manager the world was his oyster.

Since then despite positive spells at AS Roma then Lyon his career is on life support following a fall out with Cristiano Ronaldo at Al Nassr and then a disastrous 16 game stint as Napoli manager.

After a mediocre Euro 2024 campaign you feel he massively needs a good run here.



Motherf*cking Starboy:

Probably should be one of the two back-up keepers in Lammens or Penders but seen as they'll not get any game time it is Matias Fernandez-Pardo.

A run of goals after the New Year jumped him over Olivier Giroud into the Lille first XI although he was a surprise inclusion over Lois Openda who has big game experience.

Was apparently fully committed to representing Spain as recently as 2024 but it seems he's taken the pragmatic choice.



The main man:

Yes most people would say Doku but I'm loyal to my club and dutifully select Leandro Trossard here.

With De Bruyne looking a shadow of his former self, Leo has been the standout from the first two games. He has played differently than with us, mainly dropping into the 10 space and starting moves off with some really intricate passing that I didn't know he had.

All that's needed now is for the likes of Lukaku and Doku to actually find their scoring boots.


Why is bro here?:

Couple of candidates here including Thomas Meunier who is somehow still starting World Cup games but I think it's Axel Witsel.

Some bizarre club choices in his prime (Zenit & Tianjin Quanjian) meant that he probably slipped under the radar more than he should have.

A surprise squad inclusion, at 37 he is fully on Unc duties here fresh from La Liga relegation with Girona.



World Cup GOAT:

Belgium has a surprisingly rich World Cup history, qualifying for the knockout stage in 7 out of their last 10 tournaments.

Star man from the 1986 fourth place campaign Enzo Scifo was close as were former goalkeepers Michel Preud'homme and Jean-Marie Pfaff but seen as he finished runner-up to Luka Modric as Player of the Tournament in 2018 with three goals and two assists I guess it should be Eden Hazard.




Best Tournament Finish:

Third Place (2018)

Rextradamus prediction:

I don't like this squad at all. De Bruyne and Lukaku look half fit, the backline through injury is constantly being changed whilst Doku, Tielemans and Onana look gassed after an intense PL campaign.
The final matchday will be huge when it should've been a formality. If Egypt win they top the group sending Belgium to an Australia then Argentina run.

I think Iran will get a result though and Belgium will probably end up facing Algeria in the Round of 32. It will be closer than people think but they "should" win that as they will against the Americans in the Round of 16.

Sets up a convincing quarter-final exit at the hands of the Spanish.

Which Simpsons character would they be?:
Somewhat underrated historically with consisted appearances but looking well past it now it has to be Grandpa Simpson.

 

[Rex Caudillo]

Group F - Egypt

Players in Top 5 Leagues:

Four

Mohamed Abdelmonem - OGC Nice
Mohamed Salah - Liverpool
Haissem Hassan - Real Oviedo
Omar Marmoush - Manchester City

The vast majority of the squad are based in their homeland playing across the Big 3 of Zamalek, Al Ahly and Pyramids.

Form Guide:

مشجعة

A solid AFCON campaign for the Pharoahs with a narrow semi-final loss to Senegal stirred some optimism.

They followed this up with some friendly wins over Russia and Saudi Arabia, whilst also drawing with Spain and narrowly losing to Brazil.

Now after their first ever World Cup win and four points in their opening two games it looks like they're on course for their best tournament yet.

Who’s the Boss?:

Until Mo Salah arrived on the scene, Hossam Hasan was undoubtedly the greatest player in Egypt's history.

Was the main man when they last participated at a World Cup in 1990 and then even captained them at the age of 40 to a famous AFCON win in 2006.

Now after a long managerial career spent in the Egyptian league he's taken over the National Team and has won an incredible 22 of 33 games.



Motherf*cking Starboy:

The youngest player in the squad by some distance, eighteen year old striker Hamza Abdelkarim just signed with Barcelona two weeks ago after a successful trial with their B team.

Six feet tall and quick he has drawn some comparisons in Egypt to Erling Haaland and has even managed to see game time in the opening matches suggesting he might yet make a name for himself off the bench at this tournament.



The main man:

Looking to put a very poor year with Liverpool behind him, Mohamed Salah has so far stepped up for his country, working well with Marmoush to qualify from their group.



Why is bro here?:

Two reasons why you might recognise the name Trezeguet, firstly because he borrowed it from the legendary French striker and secondly he played a crucial role during Covid to keep Aston Villa in the top flight.

Had some really nice link-up play with Grealish back in the day so in many ways you could say he helped lay the foundations for their incredible recent successes.



World Cup GOAT:

Could go with Abdulrahman Fawsi who scored the first African goals in a World Cup all the way back in 1934 but let's go with Mohamed Salah who finally passed his tally 92 years later when he bagged his third World Cup goal against New Zealand.



Best Tournament Finish:

Group Stage (1990 & 2018)

Rextradamus prediction:

So they're already through and are in the drivers seat to top the group. However I fancy Iran to get something in their upcoming clash meaning they'll probably end up second.

Now that puts them in a Round of 32 match against the Australians which I think they will win in a close shootout setting them up for a Last 16 Exit against Argentina.

Which Simpsons character would they be?:

Sideshow Bob. Despite some dazzling talents their plans often come apart spectacularly when it matters. Maybe this time it will work...

 

[Rex Caudillo]

Group F - Iran

Players in Top 5 Leagues:

Zero

With a few exceptions the entirety of the Iranian squad unsurprisingly plays in their homeland.

Form Guide:

بد نیست

Qualified easily enough and have had some positive friendlies against lesser opposition with wins over Mali, Gambia and Costa Rica.

First two games have been typically thorny performances and they remain unbeaten just one result away from qualification.

Who’s the Boss?:

Amir Ghalenoei is an experienced hand having won the Asian Manager of the Year for 2007 as well as five Iranian Leagues.

He’s been a manager since the 90s and this is his second stint as National Team boss having taken over for a disastrous spell after the 2006 World Cup.

This time round he’s managed 40 games more with an impressive 66% win record.



Motherf*cking Starboy:

Iran have the second oldest squad at this Tournament so not easy to find someone.

Very unlikely to see any game time but young midfielder Amirmohammad Razzaghinia has been putting in some great performances for Persian League leaders Esteghlal.

Has represented Iran at all age groups and at just 20 is very assured on the ball in central midfield. He could have a bright future.



The Main Man:

Very workmanlike squad that functions as a singular defensive unit whilst very low on individual quality makes this tricky to find a stand out individaul.

Winger Mohammad Mohebi is going to be key in dragging the team up the pitch and is probably the principal creator. One of the few players not based in Iran as he currently plys his trade in UAE of all countries which is interesting considering the diplomatic status between the nations.

Scored a crucial equaliser against the Kiwis although struggled to make a mark against Belgium.



Why is Bro Here?:

Second oldest squad at the tournament means there’s a LOT of uncs floating about.

Most interesting is 37 year old Shojae Khalilzadeh who has been in and out of the team since 2009!

Has had two seperate three and six year hiatuses from the team but has managed to get 52 of his 60 appearances after 2020.

One of the worst disciplinary records in Iranian football so a layup bet on this guy to get carded in their matches.



World Cup GOAT:

@Dashsnow favourite Alireza Beiranvand is a slept on icon of World Cups.

Not only has he played in three World Cups now but has saved a Ronaldo penalty in 2018 and made seven saves against Belgium this time to preserve a crucial point.

Hero.



Best Tournament Finish:

Group Stage (1978, 1998, 2006, 2014, 2018 & 2022)

Rextradamus prediction:

Considering the unfair nonsense imposed on them at the start of this tournament, the fact qualification is in their hands before the final group game is an incredible achievement. If they lose to Egypt they're out, if they draw they should be through but if they win they will at least finish second.

My prediction is that another draw is on the cards so they wrap up take a third place spot moving onto the knockouts.

That probably means a match against Switzerland which I see as a narrow Swiss win and a Round of 32 exit for Iran.

Which Simpsons character would they be?:

Constantly being shafted by the powers that be but guess what? They're still alive. Hans Moleman.