So it ends. But it also begins. The season may be over but for the people at Arsenal-Mania.com’s forum things were just very much beginning. For Arsenal-Mania.com has been relaunched, reborn and reinvigurated in a manner which hopefully will see it reach for the stars. May I personally congratulate everyone who has put work into getting the site back up and running and I am sure that once all the content is in place it can become the No. 1 fansite out there! Of course the webmasters are kindly letting me post my articles here so I guess I would say that wouldn’t I! Anyway enough about that for now, except to say that if you have any feedback regarding this column you can now e-mail me at allyboy@arsenal-mania.com and I will reply to you ASAP. Go on, you know you want to!! Also welcome to any first time readers as well, hopefully you will not be last time readers too!
Anyhow let’s get down to the football. The fat lady has sung for season 2002-2003 and to the winners the spoils have been awarded. Well not quite yet! For in today’s edition I present to you “The 1st Annual Hot Stuff End of Season Awards” for season 2002-2003. Who will cry like Gwyneth Paltrow? Who will cry like a baby having a tantrum? Can anyone seriously stop Alex Ferguson from winning tosser of the year? Well read on to find out! As the lights descend and the drum rolls start I present to you the first award …
“Undisputed Hot Stuff player of the year” (Best Arsenal player of the season)
The nominations are:
Sol Campbell for his immense defensive performances for us and fitting into the void left by Tony Adams so well.
Patrick Vieria for being captain fantastic all season and being the heartbeat of the team.
Thierry Henry for scoring 32 league goals and consistantly showing Va Va Voom.
And the winner is: Thierry Henry!
Henry showed how invaluable he is to Arsenal, not just topping the goals charts for us but also breaking the Premier League record for Assists. What a season he had! But then what a player he is! Congratulations Titi, you fully deserve it!
Next up;
“Sign him for Arsenal award” (Best non-Arsenal player of the season)
There really is only contender for this so the winner is Ruud Van Nistelrooy!
Van Nistelrooy had an incredible season, topping the Premiership and Champions League goal scoring charts on his way to collecting his first Championship winners medal in England. With over 40 goals in all competitions he showed why he is the world’s top goal machine. Just a shame he likes to ‘fall’ over so much!
Onto the next award which is the …
“I pity da fool award!” (Team of the season)
The nominations are …
Arsenal for their record breaking start to the season and winning the FA Cup.
Manchester United for winning the Premiership title.
Blackburn Rovers for taking 9 points out of 12 against the top 2 and finishing 6th in the league.
A C Milan for winning the Champions League.
Real Madrid for producing football of unbelievable guile and quailty.
And the winner is: A C Milan!
Wednesday’s night game may have been a cure for insomnia, but Milan came through and proved they are the best in Europe.
Moving onto …
“I’m the leader! I’m the leader of the gang I am! award” (Manager of the year)
Nominations go to:
Sir Alex Ferguson for regaining the Premiership title
Sam Allardyce for being the only walrus to keep a side on a small budget in the Premiership two years in a row
David Moyes for rejuvinating Everton with a budget comparable to an average six year olds who has just had his pocket money stopped.
And the winner is: David Moyes!
Up until the end of the 1980s Everton were one of the biggest clubs in the country and possibly the world. However the 1990s saw the club decline to the brink of relegation but Moyes took over in early 2002 and has transformed the club around. Next season could see them finish top 6 and be back with the European big boys. Well done David!
The next award is …
“Your not fit to wear the shirt award”(Worst Arsenal player of the season)
Simple choice for this one:
Kanu for being utterly useless from October through May
Pascal Cygan for frequently forgetting how to defend in matches
and the winner is … Kanu!
Kanu started the season in great from and looked as if he was getting back to his very best. Then October kicked in and he looked like he could not give a monkeys about whether Arsenal won or not. Surely he cannot start ANOTHER season at Highbury?!
Next up …
“The Iraqi Information Minister award” (Most inappropriate quote)
Nominations go to:
Arsene Wenger for “It would not surprise me if we went unbeaten the whole season”.
John Arne Riise for “We can still win the title” (When his team had fallen 11 points behind in the title race and were halfway through an abysmal run of form).
Sir Alex Ferguson for his rant about how UEFA had rigged the Champions League Quarter final draw to ensure Man U played Real Madrid.
Patrick Vieira for saying that Manchester United’s football had often been ‘rubbish’.
And the winner is Arsene Wenger!
To be fair to Arsene his comments were taken out of context. He was actually saying if we played like we did against Leeds (when we won 4-0) we could go unbeaten the whole season. But he must have known people were going to take this out of context and it backfired spectacularly. Oh Arsene, will you never learn?
Moving along to …
“I can’t believe its not butter! award” (Most shocking moment of the season)
Plenty of nomintations this time:
Ryan Giggs for missing THAT open goal against Arsenal in the FA Cup.
Arsenal for blowing an eight point lead at the top of the table to let the title slip away.
Leeds for selling most of their star players and sliding down the league table.
El Hadji Diouf for spitting at Celtic fans.
Lee Bowyer for stamping on a Malaga’s player’s head.
Sir Alex Ferguson for kicking a boot and hitting David Beckham on the temple.
Wayne Rooney for his last minute wonder strike to end Arsenal’s 30 game unbeaten streak.
and the winner is El Hadji Diouf!
Everything else is all what I would call incidents that happen inside the game. That’s not an excuse mind, but once you get fans involved you are crossing a line. Spitting at the opposition fans is totally unacceptable and I hope the book is thrown at him. Though that said knowing his penchant for diving, if it is he will probably fall over and the judge will be sent off for violent conduct …
Not many to go now and the next up is …
“If he was a fish he would smell award” (Chump of the season)
The nominees are:
Peter Risdale for over seeing the capitulation of Leeds United.
Arsene Wenger for refusing to admit Manchester United were the better team last year.
Gerrard Houllier for thinking his team were genuine title contenders when in fact they were very average indeed.
Glenn Hoddle for making no progress with Spurs this season and ‘nearly’ signing the top 10 players in the world.
Neil Warnock for whining and implying his team had been cheated out of the FA Cup semi final with Arsenal.
Glenn Roeder for taking West Ham down despite having a squad with players of high talents.
And the winner is … Peter Risdale!
When Leeds were in the Champions League Semi Final Risdale was on the television everyday. When they started to lost form badly and key players were sold he may as well have been Lord Lucan. Now he has gone from the club and instead of being the man who made Leeds a top European super power he has come very close to the being the man who ruined them.
Two more to go.
“The know your role, and shut your mouth!” Award (Tosser of the season)
The nominations are:
Sir Alex Ferguson for being the smuggest man in the UK.
The FA and its referees for being incompetent and bureaucratic.
Steve Bruce for being perpetually up Ferguson’s arse.
Marc Roger for spreading rumours about Wenger leaving Arsenal.
Ruud Van Nistelrooy for scoring the goals that cost Arsenal the title and generally being a cheat.
And the winner is The FA and its referees!
The FA seems to have 2 rules which apply throughout its organisation. Number one is, wherever possible assist and certainly do not rule against Manchester United as we are terrified of their manager. Rule 2 is if necessary do not hesitate to change the established rules and guidelines to help our own cause. If in doubt of our cause see rule one. Bastards.
So its been a long event but finally here is the last award …
“The etched in the annals of time award” (Moment of the season)
The nominees are:
The 45 seconds between Arsenal going 2-1 up and Manchester Utd equalising at Highbury for temporarily having Gooners worldwide running around like mad men thinking the title was coming home.
Winning the FA Cupfor taking away some of the post-title failure gloom.
Winning at Old Trafford in the FA Cup for making us look like gods and Man U look like amateurs.
Henry winning both PFA Player of the year awards for it would have been a disgrace if his efforts had gone unrewarded.
Spurs losing 4-0 in the FA Cup 3rd Round to Southampton for being hysterical.
Henry’s hattrick in the Champions League game in Roma for being poetry in motion.
David Seaman’s save against Sheff Utd in the FA Cup semi final for being simply stunning.
and the winner is … Winning at Old Trafford in the FA Cup!
It may have been a false dawn, but on that day everyone thought that Arsenal had proved their undenying supremacy over Manchester United. This ultimately was not the case but for that one day and the next couple of weeks Arsenal fans over the world were in dreamland.
This does not happen often for football fans everywhere and for this reason this moment was truly golden and was the pick of an enthralling season.
Well the ceremony is over and the band is playing its final song. We had laughter, we had tears, we had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun … oh wait maybe I’m getting this confused with something else! Seriously though what a season it has been so many highs, so many lows but for many Arsenal fans it will be have been one of what might have been. But although that’s it on the domestic football front until August, Hot Stuff will still be going on through the summer so its not all bad news! If you have any other ideas and nominations for awards feel free to discuss them in the forums, or e-mail me on the address at the top of the article and if I think they are good I will publish them!
Anyway everyone, hope you all enjoyed the season that was 2002 – 2003 and that season 2003-2004 will be just as exciting. My name is Ally Wood and this has been Hot Stuff!